New Year’s Resolutions

Why make 'em if you know you'll break 'em?

Someone said to me recently “Why bother when you know you’ll only break them anyway – that just leads to disappointment? “

Do you feel that way?  In that case your new year’s resolution is not a resolution but just some wishful thinking.

Here’s the Oxford English dictionary definition:

Resolution: • noun ... a firm decision... an expression of opinion or intention ... the quality of being resolute.... the resolving of a problem …. the process of reducing or separating something into components.

I would urge you to make New Year’s Resolutions.  Not that you can’t make decisions at any time during the year – of course you can.  But because a new year has the feel of a new beginning,  it really is a great time to ditch some of your old unwanted habits like smoking, overeating, poor timekeeping, not keeping yourself healthy, not paying attention to your needs or the needs of others, not taking enough time out or conversely, not working as efficiently as you could....

If there were 3 areas of your life that you would like to improve what would they be?  Write them down even if you’re not quite committed to change just now.  Write three changes down anyway.  These should be areas over which you have control – not things that you would like someone else to be or do.

Have you written them down?

Now think about what you could do IF you were committed to change.  I'm not asking you to commit yet.  What small steps could you take that would eventually lead to the change you desire?

Some people get all hooked up on the final outcome and this is often too far away to feel realistic.  Instead look at the steps one at a time.  Break your New Year resolution down into manageable steps.  For instance, let’s suppose you want to improve a relationship that’s broken.  What steps could you take?  What small things could you do? 

The first step when wanting to improve a relationship is to be sure you are not looking to change the other person.  It’s only you that you can change or have the right to change.  If you don’t like the other person just as they are, then maybe it’s time to decide whether changing something about yourself or your attitudes or behaviours would help the relationship. 

Would it help if you were more tolerant or patient.  Would it help to stand up for your rights more.  Would it help if you were more consistent or transparent.  Would it help if you were clearer in your communication.  Would it help if you listened more and tried to understand their world.  Would it help if you stopped wanting them to meet your needs.

I know this is a complex example, but that’s what stops people making a decision.  The whole issue just seems too complex, or even impossible.

When you have looked at all the small steps you could take toward your goal, the next step is to decide how likely you are to complete them. 

For instance you might choose to lose weight; let’s say you need to lose 2 stone (12.7kg).  When you break it down into small chunks, it doesn’t seem so difficult.  Suppose your first commitment (resolution) is to lose just 2 lbs (.91kg).  Does that sound do-able?  When you've achieved your 2lb weight loss - however long you took - aim for 2lb again ... and again ... and again.  This is far less daunting than the thought of shedding 2 (or more) stones.

If you are impatient you will certainly fail.  If you carry on thinking “I can’t” you will certainly fail.  If you never even try you will certainly fail.

Think about the “why” of your resolutions if you are faltering.  Think about all the reasons you really, really want this outcome.  Then, think about all the unhappy consequences in the future if you do not make a start.  Write these down.

In both the above examples the situation will just get worse and not better unless you take it in hand.  You could spend your life worrying about it, complaining about it or making excuses OR you could decide right now – this very moment – that you are resolved to do something positive and make a change.

So far you have

• separated your resolution out into do-able chunks
• thought about all the reasons it’s a worthwhile goal
• thought long and hard about the consequences of not changing

At this stage you may have already decided that your resolution is not a resolution at all.  If so, ditch it and move on.  We create so much stress for ourselves when we keep holding on to a desire that really would be best banished from our minds for good.  So resolve never to worry at it again, resolve right now to let it go, resolve to accept the way things are rather than hankering after something you know you will never have the commitment to attain.  You’ll be much happier and more at peace when you do.

However, when you have begun working on a true goal, how do you keep the commitment and motivation going?  Here are a few tips.

• Get your best friends on your side.  Have them check in with you, encourage you, motivate and support you.  Ask them for their help.  Friends usually like to help each other.
• Find a buddy who wants the same, or a similar, result.  Someone you can share your joys with and who will pull you through the bad times.
• Encourage yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  Learn from your lapses and move forwards once more.  A lapse is not the same thing as a ‘collapse’. 
• Whenever you feel you are slipping, remind yourself of your commitment by looking at that list of reasons why you are doing this and what it will cost you if you go back to your old ways.
• Don’t make excuses.  If you start excusing yourself from your mission, you will not only fail, you will also create tension within your mind between the part that wants the outcome and the part of the mind that’s making excuses.
• Enjoy the process!  Make it fun, not a battle.  Think of it as an exciting journey, not a dreadful chore.  Your attitude will make or break your resolutions.
• Get professional help.  A life coach, a mentor, a personal trainer, a hypnotherapist  … whoever is best qualified to assist.  Someone who will help you understand yourself and your situation better and keep you on track.

I would love to hear from with your views about New Year resolutions.  Just add your comments in the box below or, if you wish for privacy, write to me on bee@thelifedesignstudio.com.

I wish you a very Happy New Year and success in all you commit to.

Bee