How can we choose our feelings?

"Choose our feelings!”  They just turn up don’t they?  We can’t help it if someone upsets us, causes us to be angry or hurts us.

Well, to some extent we can.  I know I’ve covered this ground in several ways before but that’s my job as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  I help people to learn how to be happier despite what happens around them.  Despite what they have no control over…

Don't get me wrong.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad.  We are supposed to feel emotion.  Sometimes though, our feelings are based on habit rather than being thought through.  We often act in a way we were 'taught' to rather than a way which is constructive and positive.

Let me give you an example:  Recently a young relative of mine suffered a stroke.  She was in a coma for a day or two and in the fortnight since she surfaced back into consciousness she has been making slow but steady progress.  She has a young son, a large mortgage and a high-powered job and it is not yet known how complete her recovery will be.

Why do I tell you this?  Because it is easy to go down the doom and gloom route and worry about how she will drive again, work again, function again.  It is easy - and common - to spend our time worrying and looking into the future and ‘seeing’ everyone’s life changing because of this tragedy.

But it need not be that way.  My family and I choose to see her in our minds as fully recovered and back at work.  We assume that she’ll be fine and back in her home, paying her mortgage, holding down her job.  Of course, I’m concerned but the best thing I can do is be positive.  And being positive doesn't prevent us from taking all the practical and sensible actions required.  In fact it helps us to have better clarity about what needs to be done.

When we imagine all will be well we focus only on those things that will bring about that wellness.  We focus on how to get the results we want.  I know that we don’t always get those results, but we are more likely to when our focus is in the right direction.  We also send out ‘thought energy’ to those who need us to be positive.  If you don’t believe this then think about the time you ‘pick up’ on someone’s mood even if they are trying to hide it.

We need to send that ‘thought energy’ to ourselves as well.  The more we worry, the more we increase the cortisol levels in our body which not only cause our immune system to function less efficiently, but also causes our brain to feel fuzzy, our actions and reactions to be less well thought out and can lead to headaches, joint pains, and many physical illnesses.  Positive, constructive thoughts are proven to decrease pain, reduce symptoms of many illnesses and increase immune function.

Several days after the above event, my Mother was taken into another hospital.  She’s been suffering for some time and doctors have diagnosed all sorts of problems and not one of those diagnoses has been correct.  When she was rushed in she needed to be put straight onto a drip and have an MRI.  The family could be sick with worry or be pleased she has now been correctly diagnosed and that she’s being looked after.  Her operation is next week and I’m just glad she’s in the right place.

We have a choice

Even if you are genetically predisposed to negativity, there is ample evidence that there are many ways to improve your natural tendencies.  I regularly help people to learn new ways to stop worrying and to change the beliefs and attitudes that have kept them locked in “generalised anxiety” for so long.

Click here for a link to the latest scientific study of happiness and genetic makeup.

I subscribe to a daily quote and this one popped up recently.  I thought it might help you understand more on this subject.  If you would like to subscribe go to www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk

Choose Feelings

If your days seem filled with unwanted negative feelings, there is only one cure. When they come, choose them. Don't ask why, don't wonder how, don't fight them and never put yourself down for having them. But most of all never blame someone else for how you feel. If you do, it means you are still fast asleep and your choice is to be a victim.

When the feelings come, even big disturbing emotional feelings say, "I choose this feeling" and know it comes because of something you have thought or done in the past, perhaps a certain belief that you have learned or an attachment that is threatened.

Choice does not mean you want the feelings, but it does mean you are taking responsibility for them. And that is the beginning of self mastery. It is the first step to the healing and resolving of your emotions. But only the first step.

Try this today and then ask yourself what the next step might be. If you are really interested to know, you will come to know!

Please give me a call (0845 644 3974) or e-mail me on bee@thelifedesignstudio.com if you would like a chat about this subject or about clinical hypnotherapy, psychotherapy or life coaching for adults or children, or if you have any questions you would like answered.

You can add your comments below too.  We would love to hear from you.

Best wishes
Bee

Comments

[Sue Edwards]

I read your article about 'feelings' with great interest.

I am a very emotional person, I worry too much and get stressed far too easily and it does affect things that I do. I'm sure if I had a more positive frame of mind I would cope with situations much better.

It's good to read something positive about the subject - very helpful, thank you.