The Excuses We Make!

Have you ever heard yourself saying anything like this?  – I have!

“They asked me to write a blog but I don’t think I can, I haven’t got the time to prepare for it you see … I’m  far too busy. 

"I will find the time if I can of course but  ... I am a perfectionist you see; to get it right will take far too much of my time.  I know that having to have things just right is getting in my way and it’s not that I don’t want to change I have tried everything but it’s just the way I am. 

"I am too old to change now.  I suppose I could try, but deep down I know I haven’t got the will power. I’ve always been that way, never could get down to things properly at school with all that Who Ha going on between Mum and Dad at home, I couldn’t cope then so I can’t expect to now.

"I’ll just have to wing it – if it’s not brilliant I am sure everyone will understand – in the circumstances.”

Excuses Excuses - What Are Excuses About?

We use reasons like these all the time to explain why we’re not making the changes in our lives that we need to.  They sound valid enough - we’re all pressed for time and money, and there’s a limit to what we can do surely?  But all too often they are simply excuses, a way of absolving ourselves of taking action. 

It’s easier to make an excuse than to make an effort, to face our fears, or to own up to the fact that when it comes right down to it, we are just not willing to take action.

However these reasons have one major thing in common - they all avoid us taking responsibility for our own action or inaction. Our excuses avoid dealing with the fact that we have the power to change things and if we convince ourselves that ‘it’s not our fault’ that absolves us of any guilt feelings for not taking ownership.  It’s our way of telling ourselves that it’s okay to let events take their course and failure is not down to us.

What we are really saying is

• “I don’t have the time for that because I haven’t been willing to make a priority of making better use of my time.”

• “I don’t have the money for that because I haven’t been willing to make a priority of making better use of my money.”
• “I don’t have the skills for that because I haven’t been willing to make a priority of working hard to increase my skills.”
• “I don’t have enough willpower for that because I haven’t been willing to make a priority of developing real discipline.”

 When you put it that way, it really hurts doesn’t it?  It certainly does when I look at my own excuses.

What we often do is to use these excuses to get ourselves out of the hard work and self-discipline of thinking hard enough to find an answer to our problem .

Time and again I have clients tell me  ‘My circumstances prevent me from doing what I want to’ and of course sometimes that may be true – a circumstance is a fact - however is it a circumstance or just an opinion? 

I found this strong statement on a site giving advice on the net.

"If you really want to do something you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse."

Do you agree with this?  Many people would agree, they would say all it needs is a bit of will power, a bit of backbone, just pull yourself together and buckle down.   I don’t agree.  Sometimes that might be true but sometimes you may be going round and round, stuck in a loop and need a little help to find your way out.  That’s where a good Life Coach can come in really handy. 

Just imagine a relationship which is totally focused on you.   Being able to share your hopes and dreams, goals and ambitions with someone who is there to help your achieve them without any agenda of their own. They won’t laugh at you, judge you or put you down, just use every professional technique at their disposal to help you achieve whatever it is you want and need.  That’s what a Life Coach will offer you and sessions can be by 'phone or face-to-face, whatever your preference.

Have you caught yourself make ‘excuses? 

Is that helpful or does it get in the way of you achieving the goals you set yourself?

Ask yourself these questions:

Are my reasons for inaction really true or justified?

• Is my belief about myself or others just a ‘thought habit’ I have got into or maybe a ‘hand me down’ belief which I have inherited from someone else?
• What are my false assumptions?
• What do I pretend to know or to not know?
• What is needed in this situation?
• What can I ask myself to do to get me to take some action? 
• What does inaction cost me?
• What am I unwilling to risk?
• What will free me up?

And to promote action

• What action will you take next?

• And after that?
• What will you do?
• What are your next steps and when will you take them? 

Sometimes it can be a little more serious.  Many people suffer from fears and phobias which paralyze their normal thinking patterns and rob them of the ability to use their logic and reasoning and that is when Clinical Hypnotherapy can step in to free up the block caused by an excess of anxiety.

I like this anonymous quotation -

“Allowing excuses to remain in your life is equal to planting the seeds for regret and watering them faithfully every single day. “

Can you sort your excuses out for yourself or would a Coach or Therapist with their skills and training help to speed the process?

If you are concerned about this or any emotional issue in your life please contact me on tony@thelifedesignstudio.com and I would be delighted to offer advice.

With best wishes  

Tony