But there’s another definition of winning and that’s ‘achieving happiness’ – this is what I’m talking about and if you haven’t ‘won’ in this sense, read on and see if you can find out why.
Do you consider yourself a winner in this lottery called life? Why is it that some people can seem to have it all and still be unhappy and others have suffering and yet smile through? What makes us feel as if we have won or lost in the game of life?
Below are some of the characteristics that might make the difference between how happy or sad you are regardless of your circumstances. These are subconscious patterns and you may identify yourself a happy winner already which is great. But if you’re not, this list could help you recognize the unconscious beliefs that are preventing you from having the life you want.
Take a look. Can identify yourself? Are you a happy winner or are you struggling to force yourself into a role you’re not (yet*) cut out for. Take the time to think about your real desires – you may never see yourself in the same light again.
Here are some of the ways people Win at Life:
1. Happy in my comfort zone:
You can be one of life’s winners if comfort is your main goal and your need’s are met. You don’t want hassle; you don’t want to be challenged or pushed around; you don’t like arguments or disagreements and you’ll try to find a compromise and ‘put it behind you’. What you like is to be enjoying your life in comfort and ease. You’ll probably have a happy, safe, stable job which you wouldn’t change in case it caused ripples on your cheerful pond.
This is a great way to look at life if you aren’t hankering after riches or fame. Inevitably in a relationship where your partner wants you more motivated and more ambitious this could cause problems, but if you’re with someone that wants the same things out of life as you, you’ve turned your life into that of a winner.
2 Everyone likes me:
For you being liked is even more important than your own comfort. You don’t ruffle anyone’s feathers even if it’s to your own disadvantage. You love to help and support others because it’s your motivation to keep others happy. You need to be accepted and feel loved by everyone.
You are unlikely to be happy in a job where there’s a tough management line and, indeed, your need to be liked would not make you a good manager either because it would be too hard for you to make those tough decisions that may adversely affect or upset your staff. You would make a good care-giver because knowing that you are invaluable to people gives you a buzz.
Wanting to be liked by everyone can mean that you don’t meet your own needs and desires. This type of person can easily be walked over and can suffer from very low in self esteem, but if you don’t have needs and desires beyond helping others and if the people you’re helping are happy about that, you’re on to a winner.
3 You like to be right:
Do you like to have the last word on most things? Do you believe that your view is the only view worth considering because you KNOW it’s absolutely right. Do you find yourself criticizing and judging others against your standards?
Being an expert in a particular field would satisfy much of this tendency. Knowing that you know more than others about something specific could allow you to be a little more forgiving in other areas.
As a manager you can make all the difficult decisions regardless of outcome and that could stand you in good stead at work although you may find that you are not responsive to change because of your belief that you already have everything right and that could curb your career prospects.
In relationships you may be told you’re too ‘controlling’ because you want things done your way and to your standards. That can be pretty hard to live with either because you are partnered to someone like you who also believes they are right – but has differing opinions, or because you are with someone who is mild tempered and won’t stand up to you on a regular basis. That could lead to the occasional blow-out when they can’t take any more … or even the end of the relationship.
If you are one of these people and you’ve got the balance of work and home about right; congratulations you’re a winner.
4 You love the feeling of achievement:
You love competition. You won’t give up and the better the competition is, the harder you’ll try. You won’t crumble under the strain; you’ll just keep on striving until you win.
In work you could be a fantastic team motivator or brilliant entrepreneur. In relationships be careful that you don’t expect others to hold the same goals and you’ll be fine.
If you walk all over others in the process of attaining your goals then you’ll lose life’s lottery; but if your achievements are gained with integrity, you will certainly be a very happy person.
5 You’ve got used to being a victim:
Victims think that sympathy means love. They crave sympathy because it feels like someone cares. This is a very insecure place to be because you are very vulnerable and lacking in self-esteem.
You may find problems where none exist or simply make the real problems you do have into sagas of doom and gloom just to hear others say “how awful” “poor you”. You’ll make excuses about having a poor childhood or no money or being too young or too old or too uneducated. There’s always a reason why you can’t achieve anything and it’s “not your fault”.
Victimhood becomes a habit that’s hard to break because it means taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life and that can seem scary. You may well feel very safe staying the way you are.
How can a victim be a winner? Well, if you are in a relationship where being incapable lets the other person feel capable and strong, you might both be happy. If you’re in a Company where the ethos is to complain and moan, you might just be in the right place for you.
Take a good look
Do any of these traits apply to you? Have you made the most of your tendencies or are you still trying to fit yourself into an environment that just doesn’t work for you?
*Do you want to change from where you are to a new mind-set? It is possible with the right help from a qualified life coach or therapist. If you want to know where to start; drop me an e-mail and I’ll get back you with some free ideas.
You don’t fit into any of the categories above?
If you don’t think any of the above applies to you I’d really be interested in what’s driving you and whether that belief-set is working for you, so please do comment below.
With very best wishes
Bee
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